Pardon My French

It all began in 2018 when soon to be young-adult me did not know where her life was heading (not that I do now either). Well into my final year of undergraduate studies, I had this paralysing realisation that I did not want to pursue a career around psychology, something I spent 3 years of my life studying. So just like every coming to age pop movie, I decided to sign-up for an exchange to Paris.

Looking back, I really can’t pin-point the exact reason why I chose Paris. There was a lot of international romanticism built around the city but I don’t recall being phased by it. The city represented something far, something alien and was the best representation of my naivety of what’s yet to come.

I remember landing in Charles de Gaulle and taking a taxi to Paris. Throughout the drive, I remember telling myself “This is it! This is going to change my life, give me perspective, success and freedom. Nothing will come in my way”. I remember feeling the warm summer glow at 9:30pm, an unexperienced phenomenon during my 20 years of growing up in India. I recall being mesmerised by the Haussmannian architecture that painted the uninterrupted Parisian skyline. I was truly living in a dream. But all it took was a week of living in the city for that dream to turn into a nightmare.

The first time it happened was during my first visit to the famous french boulangerie (bakery). I really wanted to try my first croissant. I had never seen one, had never held one, had never smelled one, but I knew I wanted my first experience in France to be to taste one. I walked into the boulangerie and was met by a lady who I assumed was welcoming me in french. I quickly apologised in english saying that I did not speak french and that I would like to try a croissant. I wanted to tell her that this was my first time in France and the first time I would be trying a croissant, something I was very excited about. But the conversation was cut short to just hand gestures and smiles because the lady did not speak english either. I eventually did get my croissant, but the missed communication left a weird taste in my mouth.

Following this incident I found myself having many similar conversations, limited to a “bonjour” (hello) “merci” (thank you) “au revoir” (goodbye) and that was just not cutting it for me. I consider myself to be an extrovert who likes to live things authentically, but I somehow was not feeling connected to the land I was living on. I was missing a big piece to the puzzle, and that piece was the french language.

I came to Paris with a naive idea that just like every in international city, I would thrive with my ability to speak english. You can, a lot of people do. But for someone like me who likes to live like the locals do, english was not going to get me where I wanted to be. I should add at this point that I arrived in France knowing just a few sentences in french.

However, maybe it was my ignorance, or younger energy levels at the time (which are currently being replaced by chronic tiredness) but I did not concede defeat. I forcefully inserted myself in all groups and conversations french — french politics, french art, french food and even the beauty of the french language itself. More often than not I found myself at dinners or drinks with friends wherein I used to go the entire night not saying a word because the conversations where in french. I remember breaking down several times out of frustration, feeling unconfident and sometimes stupid. I used to always think “If only they knew how smart I am in english”.

But at the same time, I was in love with the language. I felt the words touched me differently. The same sentences, when said in french, had a deeper impact on me. I wanted to speak the language. I wanted to submerge myself in this language that was giving me so much disappointment. So I continued and my frustration followed.

And then it happened. 7 months since I landed into Paris and 2 months before I was set to leave, I experienced, what I call, the language boom. I suddenly could understand most of what people were speaking in french around me. Even more, I could respond and contribute to the conversation. It was an incredible feeling. I felt like new pathways in my brain opened up, I began dreaming in french. I felt like a different person when speaking and understanding the language. I felt liked I unlocked another level to life.

Since that moment, there was no turning back. Even after leaving France, I stayed in touch with the language through podcasts, shows on Netflix and conversations with friends. I even decided to come back to Paris for a 2 year masters degree. With every new word, new phrase, new conversation in french, I felt more and more attached to the city, more in love with people and more full-filled with my life in France. I managed to work, fall in love, laugh, cry… all in french.

A movies that is an all-time favourite of mine is Arrival. Its a movie about a bunch of aliens’ arrival on earth to give humanity a “weapon” of protection and how the protagonist tries to decrypt their message. The “weapon” in fact was the aliens’ language, and learning it would alter humans’ linear perception of time, allowing them to experience “memories” of future events. No time travel happened to me when I learnt french, but the movie did speak a lot to me because of a widen perception I was experiencing the deeper I went into the language. There were some words, some thoughts that I could only describe in french, because that was the only authentic way I could express them.

During interview processes for jobs (something I had to go through a lot these past couple of months with business school ending), I get asked the question “from your CV, what is your proudest achievement?” and I often times respond by saying “its counts for only 4 words “Language: French full professional proficiency”. Behind these 4 words is an entire journey of self-doubt, frustration, optimism and dedication and you know what, I am glad I went through it.

So for all those who are living in a new city, trying to learn a new language, hang in there! You may feel like nothing is moving, or you are not learning, or people think you are not smart because you can’t express yourself, but none of that is true. Surround yourself by that alien language, continue to go to those dinners where you don’t speak much, because trust me, in time, it will all make sense, literally.

Here are some resources that were really helpful for me as a french language learner:

Babbel (all levels)
Duolingo (great starting point for beginners)
innerFrench Podcast + innerFrench Youtube channel (level: intermediate)
Guerres de Business (level: advance)
Dix Pour Cent on Netflix (level: intermediate — advance)
A Bescherelle (super helpful to get your grammar in place)